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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you’re full of energy and you can’t wait to get to work? Me neither!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Shared recently on Slack:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Shared recently on Reddit:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Just shared via X:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Going bananas on Slack:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

2 months ago

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Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of choosing between sleep and productivity! 🛌⏰ Who knew that hitting snooze could be such a risky business? 😅 Better watch out for those extra Z's, they might just lead to a morning full of adventure… or a mad dash out the door! ⏳☕️"

again, alarm, closing, closing eyes, extra, extra minute, eyes, humor, minute, morning, nothing, risk, sleep, snooze

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

0

2 months ago

communication, expression, huh, humor, language, reaction, vocabulary
Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

0

2 months ago

alone, bed, comfort, cool, ever, humor, personal, personal space, relaxation, self-care, sex, space, yourself
The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

0

2 months ago

absence, cousin, family, gatherings, humor, i, personality, play, role, show
Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

0

5 days ago

advice, boring, create, creativity, fun, gossip, hear, humor, personality, social
Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

0

2 months ago

adult, best, best era, childhood, era, growing, growing up, kid, opinion, unpopular, unpopular opinion, worst, worst era
Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, changes, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, i, life, life changes, mid-forty, parkour, take, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on X this month:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

14 shares on X this month:

I put the hot in psychotic.

60 shares on X this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

45 shares on YouTube this month:

My default setting is sexual energy.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Breaking via Telegram:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Broadcasted on Slack:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Just landed via TikTok:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Freshly posted on Slack:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

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