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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Going viral on WeChat:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Live now on Slack:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Going viral on WeChat:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Breaking via X:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Just shared via Slack:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about aging: promising snacks over laundry chores, highlighting humorous life priorities.

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Commentary:
Who knew growing up meant promising yourself cookies for doing chores instead of getting gold stars! 🍪🧺✨

actual, age, fold, here, human, humans, i, laundry, motivation, myself, over, parenting, people, promise, snack, snacks

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on WeChat this month:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

89 shares on X this month:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

99 shares on X this month:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

43 shares on X this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I think my type is a nice person.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Spotted on Discord:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Making waves on Pinterest:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Seen just now on Slack:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Just shared via Facebook:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Trending via Reddit:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

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Activity Log ✨

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨