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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

Live now on Instagram:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Just landed via Facebook:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Trending via TikTok:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Live now on Reddit:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Just landed via TikTok:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Trending via X:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Breaking via Twitch:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Just landed via TikTok:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about male grooming trends with playful, tongue-in-cheek humor.

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Commentary:
Ah, the evolution of the stylish bro: from metro to performative. Next stop, fashion icon! 🚀👠💅

bit, gender, gender role, guy, humor, just, little, male, metrosexual, performative, performative male, rebrand, role, say, sexuality, slang, stereotype, straight, straight guy

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on X this month:

I had too much to think last night.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

31 shares on Slack this month:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Live now on Discord:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Spotted on X:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Making waves on Slack:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Going viral on Threads:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Just landed via TikTok:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

I hate finishing a series that I enjoyed, because what now?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨