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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Trending via Slack:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Live now on WeChat:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Going bananas on Threads:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Trending via Slack:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Live now on Messenger:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Just shared via Messenger:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Spotted on Telegram:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the evolution of the stylish bro: from metro to performative. Next stop, fashion icon! 🚀👠💅

bit, gender, gender role, guy, humor, just, little, male, metrosexual, performative, performative male, rebrand, role, say, sexuality, slang, stereotype, straight, straight guy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

0

2 months ago

90, again, child, exhaustion, fatigue, humor, lie, lie down, parenting, wondering
Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

0

2 months ago

day, days, do nothing, energy, exhaustion, feel, feeling, feeling low, hotel, hotel light, humor, lazy, lazy day, light, low, nothing, relatable
Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

0

5 months ago

actually, benefit, humor, i, imposter, imposter syndrome, job, jobs, little, observation, people, self-doubt, sometimes, syndrome, watch, work
I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, humor, i, life, old, people, perspective, reflection, sad, sadness
You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

0

2 months ago

delicious, food, friends, friendship, fry, guess, humor, i, play, play on words, saying, spell, words
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, dictionary, Facebook, getting, gift, humor, post, Santa, witty, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

14 shares on Slack this month:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

59 shares on Threads this month:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Freshly posted on Discord:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Spotted on Telegram:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Just shared via X:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Making waves on TikTok:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Going viral on Snapchat:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Making waves on X:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Shared recently on Telegram:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Just shared via Discord:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨