Commentary:
Looks like my future job title is "Sleep-Deprived Snack Provider" 🍕😴👶
42 Funny straight quotes
You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.
Commentary:
When you've played so long that your fridge starts narrating your life story 🎮😂 hallucination level unlocked 🚪🔊
Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.
Commentary:
When your rental home turns into a Monopoly board and you’re the one paying the premium on every square 🔄🏠💸🤣
Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.
Commentary:
Embracing the radiator lifestyle: maximum coziness achieved! Age is just a number, but warm pyjamas are an art. 🔥👵👖
Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.
Commentary:
Wow, kids these days are achieving things much faster 😅🍗➡️🚑
Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.
Commentary:
Fluent in woke? That sounds like a totally new dialect only the baristas at vegan cafés understand! 🌱☕️
If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.
Commentary:
When someone drunk texts you, consider it a rock-solid testament to your undeniable charm 🍻🤔💫
Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.
Commentary:
Didn't know my workout playlist could change my orientation! 🎶🏋️♂️🌈
I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.
Commentary:
Me too! My idea of fun is knitting a wild new scarf and binge-watching documentaries 😂🧶📚
If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?
Commentary:
Supersizing McWieners? That's a plot twist even my taste buds didn't see coming! 🌭🍔😂