Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.