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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Just landed via WeChat:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Making waves on Twitch:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Just landed via Facebook:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Live now on Facebook:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Just shared via Reddit:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Going viral on Messenger:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Breaking via Pinterest:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Time travel goals: destination 'now'! 🚀⏰ Because why visit the past when the present has snacks? 🍕😄"

humor, irony, machine, mindfulness, presence, present, right, science, set, time, time machine, time travel, travel, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I would rather lose you than the argument.

0

2 months ago

argument, banter, conflict, humor, lose, priorities, relationship
When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

0

2 months ago

am, behavior, calculation, cat, cat life, decision making, humor, i, life, myself, risk, think
Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

0

2 weeks ago

baptist, biblical, biblical figure, cartoon, cartoon character, character, figure, humor, John, John the Baptist, just, middle, middle name, name, pooh, same, winnie, Winnie the Pooh, wordplay
I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

0

2 months ago

2010, exercise, fitness, good, humor, i, procrastination, year’s
The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

0

2 months ago

employees, employer, humor, paper, question, relationship, toilet, toilet paper, value, workplace
It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

0

3 months ago

almost, bus, humor, put, struggle, struggle bus, time, tire, winter, winter tire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on X this month:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

91 shares on Instagram this month:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why do parents bust in your room like they trying to catch you cheating on them with another pair of parents or something?

83 shares on Discord this month:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

61 shares on Slack this month:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Live now on Instagram:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Just shared via Slack:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Trending via TikTok:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Breaking via Messenger:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Just shared via Discord:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Trending via Instagram:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I would rather lose you than the argument.

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨