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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

332 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,925

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,925

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,785

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Breaking via X:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Freshly posted on Slack:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Just landed via Telegram:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Just landed via Reddit:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my standards started needing a crane to lift them, I knew it was time for a change! 😂🍹🚫

drinking, got, humor, lifestyle, self-improvement, sobriety, standard, standards, tired

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

1 month ago

dynamic, friendship, gender, hang, humor, LGBTQ, men, orientation, relationships, sexual, sexual orientation, social, social dynamic, stereotypes, straight, why, women
I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

1 month ago

autobiography, book, characters, creativity, dark, dark humor, humor, killing, maybe, plot, plot twist, spice, thinking, twist, writing
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

4 months ago

35, advice, age, aging, bathroom, before, better, bladder, funny advice, health, humor, leave, over, pee, routine, while
Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

1 month ago

advice, home, homes, humor, leave, Monday, morning, need, outside, people, today, warning
If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

3 months ago

cheating, ever, feel, forgive, humor, just, people, relationship, remember, sarcasm, stupid
I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

1 month ago

enough, got, humor, irony, me, never, parents, politics, rich, socialist, upset, wealth

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Trending via Discord:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Trending via Twitch:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Just landed via WeChat:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Shared recently on Slack:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Making waves on YouTube:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

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Activity Log ✨

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

I have thought one billion times about everything.

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

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Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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