Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
Funny standard quotes
Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.
Commentary:
When my standards started needing a crane to lift them, I knew it was time for a change! 😂🍹🚫
I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.
Commentary:
High standards save lives, and my prince still hasn't figured out my Wi-Fi password yet! 😂👑📶
Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.
Commentary:
Looks like even the Big Guy upstairs is embracing the 'just wing it' philosophy these days! Who knew being a godparent was as easy as saying a quick prayer and bringing a covered dish to the baptism party? Guess God is just looking for warm bodies with good hearts – and a decent sense of humor!
When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”
Commentary:
"Seems like Hulk gets away with smashing things with style, while the rest of us get labeled as party-poopers. 🤷♂️ Guess it's all about who pulls off the green look better! 💪🏼💥 #HulkSaysSorryNotSorry"
Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.
Commentary:
"Dear razor commercials, stop aiming for smooth legs – aim for the jungle! 🦍💇♂️ Impress your date by shaving a gorilla, now that's taking things to the next level! 🌿😂 #GorillaGroomingGoals"
Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.
Commentary:
When you're wearing rose-colored glasses but also checking if everyone else's lenses need Windex. 🤓🕶️✨