Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Going bananas on Threads:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Spotted on Instagram:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Trending via TikTok:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Making waves on Twitch:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Broadcasted on Slack:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Going viral on Pinterest:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Breaking via Messenger:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Breaking via Reddit:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why yes, I'll take the role of 'friend you forgot you had' 😂📞 #ForgottenGem"

attention, check, checking, friend, friends, humor, me, priorities, relationship, request, self, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

0

4 weeks ago

AI, emotion, human, human emotion, humor, machine, me, much, never, put, replace, replacement, self-loathing, technology
Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

0

2 months ago

comfort, essentials, humor, kindness, less, less is more, lifestyle, paper, sleep, toilet, toilet paper
My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

0

2 months ago

adulting, back, borrowing, favorite, finance, humor, money, myself, paying, paying back, personal, personal finance, self
I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

0

2 months ago

distraction, hear, humor, i, music, relationship, volume, where
Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

0

2 months ago

apples, bag, careful, fitness, grocery, heavy, humor, journey, just, market, me, relationship, update, wife
I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, convenience, delivery, efficiency, found, humor, i, lost, lost and found, new, office, straight, umbrella

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Going viral on TikTok:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Making waves on Threads:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Trending via WhatsApp:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Spotted on Messenger:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨