Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Making waves on X:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Going viral on YouTube:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Just shared via Facebook:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Seen just now on Slack:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Spreading quickly via X:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Humorous quote about parents finding alcohol tastier after a busy day with kids.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical transformation of wine from 'mommy juice' to 'daddy's little helper' after a day of parenting mayhem 🍷👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💫 #Parenting101 #BottomsUp"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on X this month:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

50 shares on Threads this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

44 shares on Discord this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

15 shares on Slack this month:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Just landed via Threads:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Trending via Telegram:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

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