Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical transformation of wine from 'mommy juice' to 'daddy's little helper' after a day of parenting mayhem 🍷👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💫 #Parenting101 #BottomsUp"

alcohol, better, children, day, humor, parent, parenting, parents, show, spending, study, taste, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

0

2 months ago

alarm, humor, morning, morning routine, nap, nothing, rest, routine, satisfaction, sleep, snooze
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

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2 months ago

before, bring, carefully, course, everyday, everyday life, family, forgetfulness, grocery, grocery list, humor, i, life, list, me, mother, procrastination, tradition
Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

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2 months ago

brain, chemicals, happy, happy chemicals, health, humor, mental, mental health, mood, motivation, release
With great power comes a huge electric bill.

0

2 months ago

bill, cost, electric, electric bill, electricity, energy, great, huge, humor, joke, power, responsibility
Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

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3 months ago

choose, diary, expression, humor, i, just, media, personal, personal expression, show, social, social media, stranger, strangers, Twitter
I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

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2 months ago

again, Bob, dogs, human, human names, humor, i, love, names, ownership, pet, pet ownership, poop, rug, say, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on WeChat this month:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Making waves on Telegram:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Going viral on WeChat:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Live now on Instagram:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Trending via Pinterest:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Spotted on Telegram:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Just shared via Telegram:

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨