Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Commentary:
“Ah, the magical transformation of wine from ‘mommy juice’ to ‘daddy’s little helper’ after a day of parenting mayhem 🍷👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💫 #Parenting101 #BottomsUp”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the mystical incantations of legal jargon! 🧙‍♂️✨ It’s like lawyers are wizards casting spells with words instead of wands. 🪄 “Hear ye, hear ye, by the power vested in these terms and conditions!” 📜💼 Don’t be fooled by the smoke and mirrors of legalese – it’s all just wordy wizardry in a three-piece suit! 👔🔮

  • I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a bank account when you can just walk into your closet and feel like a millionaire? 💸👗 #FashionistaFinance”

  • “We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

    Commentary:
    “Deciding on concert tickets vs. deciding on regular life is the real struggle 🤘🎸 Who needs mosh pits when you can have grocery lists, am I right? 🛒🎤 #RockOnInSpirit”

  • You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

    Commentary:
    Hmm, sounds like a solid strategy for expanding your vocabulary Scottish-style! 🏴 Just throw in some gibberish with a thick accent and watch the puzzled nods roll in. Who needs a dictionary when you’ve got a bonnie way with words like “janglers” and “tary bibbit”? 😉

  • I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

    Commentary:
    “Well, there goes my faith in your ability to comprehend sarcasm 🤨. Maybe next time I should include a ‘sarcasm for dummies’ guide along with my comments 📚😂.”

  • Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

    Commentary:
    “Duolingo, turning ‘the cow boils an egg’ into ‘can I have the bill’ one confused traveler at a time 🐄🥚➡️📝 #LostInTranslation #TravelTuesdays”