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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Making waves on X:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Making waves on WeChat:

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I may forget what I opened the fridge for but I remember every time anyone has ever wronged me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Going viral on Messenger:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Just shared via Slack:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you realize your true weekend uniform is pajamas and a couch! 😂🛋️✨ #LivingTheDream"

casual, comfort, comfortable, cozy, downtime, feet, foot, foot up, highlight, leisure, me, me time, putting, relaxation, self-care, slipping, something, time, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

0

3 months ago

actually, anticipation, best, excitement, finding, got, job, job start, job transition, life, life moment, moment, new, new job, period, start, starting, times, transition
I have no beef with vegetarians.

0

2 months ago

beef, diet, food, humor, i, joke, vegetarian
Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

0

2 months ago

church, cleaner, cleaning, humor, i, job, job loss, loss, lost, removal, stain, stain removal, stains, still, window, window cleaner
I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

0

2 months ago

arson, comedy, count, humor, i, joke, light, lit, never, room, self-deprecation, wit
I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

0

2 months ago

being, cooking, day, food, hate, humor, hunger, i, meals, most, myself, own, responsibility, responsible, self-care, spoil, starve
I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

0

5 months ago

AI, before, ChatGPT, conversation, end, ever, friend, humor, i, ID, interaction, life, loneliness, social, social interaction, talk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on X this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

34 shares on X this month:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Seen just now on Discord:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Shared recently on X:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Live now on X:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Going viral on X:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Just shared via Messenger:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨