Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Just landed via WeChat:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Live now on X:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rushing home like I'm in the Indy 500 but really it's just to get into my PJs faster 🏎️🛋️😴

after, aging, commute, drive, driving, extra, hate, home, house, hurry, i, late, making, older, stop, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

2 months ago

Batman, costume, creativity, dress, ever, fashion, humor, i, impress, suit, superhero, thought, told
If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

2 months ago

bar, crumbs, DIY, food, granola, humor, nature, Nature Valley, resourcefulness, snack, three, valley
Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

2 months ago

bankruptcy, containers, humor, lid, news, pun, storage, Tupperware
Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

2 months ago

alcohol, bad, bad decision, brag, decision, decision making, humor, making, need, self-deprecation
Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

2 months ago

activity, bite, change, changing, date, dating, eating, every, food, humor, just, me, minutes, restaurant, social, speed, speed date, table, trying
I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

5 months ago

always, bed, bed potato, chair, chair potato, couch, couch potato, humor, later, laziness, potato, relaxation, right

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on TikTok this month:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

26 shares on Threads this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Seen just now on Discord:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Going viral on Slack:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨