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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I wasn’t made to hustle and bustle. I was made to dilly and dally.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Seen just now on Telegram:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Just landed via Discord:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Spotted on WeChat:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Seen just now on Messenger:

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Trending via WhatsApp:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Making waves on Slack:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

17 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about aging and impatience, depicting a rushed drive home with witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rushing home like I'm in the Indy 500 but really it's just to get into my PJs faster 🏎️🛋️😴

after, aging, commute, drive, driving, extra, hate, home, house, hurry, i, late, making, older, stop, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

43 shares on Slack this month:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

93 shares on Slack this month:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Live now on Twitch:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Spotted on WeChat:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Just landed via TikTok:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨