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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Going viral on TikTok:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Trending via Telegram:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally an event I don't have to make excuses for missing! 🎉🙌

divorce, event, friend, friends, humor, invitation, loneliness, nice, sarcasm, social, social event, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

0

2 months ago

comedy, dating, flirt, humor, i, love, me, need, nonsense, playful, post, sarcasm
My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

0

5 months ago

Bluetooth, daughter, disappeared, family, item, just, karaoke, karaoke mic, lost, lost item, mic, mystery, new, sad, sadness
Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

0

2 months ago

baby, baby name, carrying, humor, insane, insanity, month, months, name, naming, nine, nine month, parenthood, pregnancy
People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

0

2 months ago

homebody, homes, house, humor, introvert, leave, never, own, people, separately, unite, want
Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

0

2 months ago

appearance, behavior, clothes, dog, funny observation, home, homeless, humor, knows, leaving, nice, observation, only, pet, pet behavior, put
Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

0

2 months ago

3, bands, chords, entertainment, even, fun, humor, i, irony, joke, know, making, music, only, play, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

54 shares on Threads this month:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Trending via Telegram:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Spotted on YouTube:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Just shared via Instagram:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Live now on Facebook:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Going viral on Telegram:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨