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New funny quotes: 7470 this month

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Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

109 Funny nice quotes

Funny nice quotes poke fun at the awkward, overly polite, or “too nice for their own good” moments we all know too well! 😂😇 Whether it’s smiling through rage, saying “no worries” when you’re actually fuming, or being “nice” just to avoid conflict, these quotes remind us that being nice can be a full-time comedy act. Because sometimes, nice people are just *very* polite comedians! 😆🎭🤝

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

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