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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

109 Funny nice quotes

Funny nice quotes poke fun at the awkward, overly polite, or “too nice for their own good” moments we all know too well! 😂😇 Whether it’s smiling through rage, saying “no worries” when you’re actually fuming, or being “nice” just to avoid conflict, these quotes remind us that being nice can be a full-time comedy act. Because sometimes, nice people are just *very* polite comedians! 😆🎭🤝

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Posted onMay 30, 2026

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?

Posted onMay 28, 2026May 28, 2026

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I think my type is a nice person.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

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