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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,841

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Spotted on Messenger:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Spotted on Discord:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Live now on Threads:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

Making waves on Slack:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Making waves on X:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Just shared via Messenger:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

2 months ago

0

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone found a creative way to settle the score with the police! 📸💸 Nothing beats a clever response to a photo radar ticket, turning the tables in style! Next time, maybe they'll try accepting payment in witty retorts instead! 😂 #TicketPaidInStyle

dollars, even, guess, humor, i, joke, me, money, photo, police, radar, ticket

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

0

2 months ago

able, back, bed, getting, humor, i, knowing, laziness, morning, motivation, sleep
I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

0

2 months ago

am, birthright, communication, culture, digital, digital culture, generation, gif, humor, i, millennial, replying, stop
It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

0

2 months ago

academic, academic integrity, academic resources, access, easier, even, Funny, humor, illegal, illegal access, integrity, irony, library, life, research, resources, student, student life, university, university library
Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, broadcast, bullshit, communication, honesty, irony, whisper
To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

0

1 month ago

career, cut, editing, editor, film, film editor, humor, i, pun, short, short story, story, storytelling
Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

0

2 months ago

couple, crime, grammar, humor, i, just, liquor, liquor store, me, robbery, store, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Slack this month:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

39 shares on Discord this month:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

16 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Freshly posted on X:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Freshly posted on Threads:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Shared recently on X:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Live now on Snapchat:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Just shared via Messenger:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

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