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Sounds like someone needs to install a "Do Not Disturb" sign on their book! 📚🚫😄 It's like a magical summoning spell: "Open book, summon chatty spouse!" 🧙‍♂️💬 Maybe invest in noise-canceling headphones for some peaceful reading time! 🎧📖

book, distraction, every, humor, husband, i, invisible, invisible mechanism, me, mechanism, open, reading, talk, time, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

1 month ago

2, belongings, documentary, everyday, filming, hour, humor, inside, just, life, personal, personal belongings, phone, purse, technology
The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

4 months ago

aging, attitude, decision, easier, exit, exit strategy, humor, i, maturity, me, older, say, situation, strategy
Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

1 month ago

across, awkward, awkward moment, being, communication, disapproving, disapproving look, distraction, finish, humor, moment, phone, relationship, room, thing, typing, wife, worst
I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

1 month ago

doing, drinking, dry, Dry January, humor, January, just, lips, self-care, skin
It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

1 month ago

drug, gambling, life, motivation, people
I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

1 month ago

age, change, digital, digital age, Facebook, farmland, i, long time, media, memory, nostalgia, remember, social, social media, time, used

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Trending via Reddit:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Making waves on Threads:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

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Activity Log ✨

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

My toxic trait is optimism.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

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There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

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