131 funny reading quotes - Wordgag

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

May 23, 2026

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

May 22, 2026

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

May 22, 2026

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

May 22, 2026

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

May 22, 2026

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

May 22, 2026

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

May 22, 2026

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

May 22, 2026

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

May 22, 2026

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

May 22, 2026

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

May 22, 2026

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

May 22, 2026

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

May 22, 2026

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

May 21, 2026

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

May 21, 2026

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

May 21, 2026

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

May 21, 2026

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

May 21, 2026

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

May 21, 2026

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

May 21, 2026

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

May 21, 2026

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

May 21, 2026

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

May 21, 2026

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

May 20, 2026

I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

May 20, 2026

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

May 20, 2026

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

May 20, 2026

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

May 20, 2026

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

May 20, 2026

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

May 20, 2026

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

May 20, 2026

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

May 20, 2026

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

May 20, 2026

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

May 20, 2026

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

May 20, 2026

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

May 20, 2026

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

May 19, 2026

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

May 19, 2026

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

May 19, 2026

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

May 19, 2026