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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Spotted on YouTube:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Making waves on Telegram:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Spotted on Discord:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Going bananas on Messenger:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

2 months ago

0

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🛫✨ Welcome to the exclusive airport for seasoned socialites! Here, we promise smooth takeoffs and landings without any turbulence caused by first-time flyers forgetting basic manners. After all, it's all fun and games until someone tries to board the plane before it even arrives! Fly high with finesse at our airport – where the only baggage we allow is the one you check at the counter. 😉✈️ #TravelLikeAPro #NoNewbiesAllowed

act, airport, before, behavior, etiquette, humor, know, people, public, should, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

0

2 months ago

attack, dream, expenses, having, homeownership, house, humor, i, own, prices, reality
I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

0

2 months ago

accident, boredom, boring, conversation, dead, death, die, drop, going, humor, illness, say, sentence, small, small talk, someone, talk, too
I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

0

2 months ago

diet, eating, food, hand, hire, humor, i, just, need, slap, someone
Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

0

2 months ago

collaboration, dream, dream work, explain, humor, individuality, joking, needs, personality, self, team, team work, work
I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, coffee, doctor, sugar, vodka
Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

0

2 months ago

advice, blanket, funny advice, humor, mattress, money, savings, sleep, sleeping, weighted, weighted blanket

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

I was dropped as an adult.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Trending via Facebook:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Trending via TikTok:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Just shared via X:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Seen just now on WeChat:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Spotted on Discord:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Shared recently on X:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Just shared via WeChat:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

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