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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Breaking via TikTok:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Just shared via Reddit:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Trending via Facebook:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Wow, that's deep! 🧠 Guess we're all highly-trained couch potatoes now! 📺🥔

bro, control, humor, literally, media, mind, mind control, program, programming, satire, TV, TV program, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

1 month ago
avocado, ball, balls, collection, cool, cool discovery, discovery, food, food joke, humor, i, inside, joke, little, set, think, whole, wooden, wooden ball
Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

1 month ago
cooking, everyday, everyday life, everyone, expectations, failure, genius, humor, life, microwave, reality, someone, technology, try
All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

1 month ago
choice, choices, decision, free, free will, here, humor, humor quote, i, irony, know, led, life, life choice, me, post, right, self-deprecating
I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

1 month ago
age, fool, gentler, i, kinder, pity
Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

2 months ago
color, comparison, ever, frustration, humor, life, metaphor, red, red wine, shirt, spill, white, wine
Onion rings? I’m answering.

4 months ago
answer, answering, food, humor, joke, onion, onion ring, ring, rings

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Seen just now on Threads:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

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Activity Log ✨

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

They expect me to work at work.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

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They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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