95 funny TV quotes - Wordgag

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

May 24, 2026

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

May 24, 2026

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

May 24, 2026

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

May 24, 2026

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

May 24, 2026

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

May 24, 2026

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

May 24, 2026

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

May 24, 2026

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

May 23, 2026

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

May 23, 2026

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

May 23, 2026

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

May 23, 2026

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

May 23, 2026

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

May 23, 2026

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

May 23, 2026

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

May 23, 2026

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

May 22, 2026

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

May 22, 2026

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

May 22, 2026

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

May 22, 2026

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

May 22, 2026

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

May 22, 2026

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

May 21, 2026

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

May 21, 2026

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

May 21, 2026

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

May 21, 2026

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

May 21, 2026

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

May 21, 2026

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

May 20, 2026

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

May 20, 2026

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

May 20, 2026

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

May 20, 2026

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

May 20, 2026

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

May 20, 2026

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

May 20, 2026

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

May 19, 2026

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

May 19, 2026

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

May 19, 2026

TVs are like, literally, the only thing that has gotten cheaper as I’ve gotten older.

May 19, 2026

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

May 19, 2026