95 funny TV quotes - Wordgag

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

May 30, 2026

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

May 30, 2026

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

May 30, 2026

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

May 29, 2026

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

May 29, 2026

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

May 29, 2026

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

May 29, 2026

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

May 29, 2026

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

May 29, 2026

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

May 29, 2026

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

May 29, 2026

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

May 29, 2026

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

May 29, 2026

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

May 28, 2026

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

May 28, 2026

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

May 28, 2026

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

May 28, 2026

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

May 28, 2026

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

May 28, 2026

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

May 28, 2026

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

May 28, 2026

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

May 28, 2026

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

May 28, 2026

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

May 28, 2026

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

May 28, 2026

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

May 28, 2026

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

May 28, 2026

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

May 27, 2026

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

May 27, 2026

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

May 27, 2026

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

May 27, 2026

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

May 27, 2026

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

May 27, 2026

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

May 27, 2026

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

May 27, 2026

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

May 27, 2026

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

May 27, 2026

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

May 26, 2026

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

May 26, 2026

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

May 26, 2026