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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Spotted on X:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Making waves on Slack:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Trending via Telegram:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Just shared via Telegram:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Trending via Snapchat:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Breaking via Twitch:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about feeling safe and humorous bravado in a playful social situation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like this bouncer is about to learn that love not only conquers all, but also protects you from getting your butt kicked! 💪🚨 Better watch out, Mr. Bouncer, this fearless duo is not to be messed with! 😜👊 #CoupleGoals"

bouncer, date, frightened, humor, lady, lucky, night, night out, pain, physically, relationship, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Slack this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

84 shares on Discord this month:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Guy who thinks “generational trauma” means it’s like the goat of trauma.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

35 shares on X this month:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Wake me up when I’m rich!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,464

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Live now on Pinterest:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Broadcasted on Slack:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

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