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Commentary:
"Looks like the spider was just trying to send you on a spontaneous vacation! 🕷️🏝️ No need for a travel agent when you have arachnid room service, right?"

bathroom, big, exaggeration, fear, funny story, glass, humor, last, me, night, phobia, postcard, put, spider, story, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

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2 months ago

disinformation, humor, i, irony, joke, lie, politics, remember, satire, truth, used
If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

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4 months ago

2, AirPods, am, every, exist, humor, i, late, late night, listen, men, music, night, relaxation, simply, solitude, walk
I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

0

2 months ago

appetite, cravings, dining, eat, food, humor, i, love, menu, reading, stuff, want
A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

0

2 months ago

estate, haunted, house, humor, listing, listing price, me, price, prices, real, real estate, scare
If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

0

2 months ago

accordingly, accordion, act, acting, better, communication, emoji, expectation, humor, i, means, start, text
Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

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4 weeks ago

alone, concept, ever, everything, going, hard, hard way, humor, i, learned, networking, struggle

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Twitch this month:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

25 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

98 shares on Threads this month:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

44 shares on Slack this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Spotted on Threads:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Trending via Threads:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Trending via YouTube:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Just landed via TikTok:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Trending via Discord:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Just shared via Twitch:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨