Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

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With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

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I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

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Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

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When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

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Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

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My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

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When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

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“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

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There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

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I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.