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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

This year has been the perfect blend of me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Just landed via Discord:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Spotted on YouTube:

Happiness is an inside job.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Live now on WeChat:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Seen just now on Slack:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Just shared via Snapchat:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Just shared via Telegram:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

2 months ago

0

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

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Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a little Sherlock Holmes in the making! 🕵️‍♂️🕸️ Dust, the mysterious foe lurking in the shadows, always questioning our cleanliness standards and making us question our very existence! 😆 Looks like it's time for some investigative cleaning, dear parent detective! 🔍💨

alarm, dust, early, humor, kid, me, needs, parenting, scream, today, wake, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, childcare, come in, date, dropping, ever, gathering, hear, humor, kid, kids, moment, parent, play, play date, social, social gathering, words
Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

0

2 months ago

again, bore, boring, boss, conference, humor, me, show, work, Zoom
You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

0

2 months ago

again, baseball, craving, dog, dogs, ever, food, game, guy, hear, hot, hot dog, humor, looking, me, over, sports, vendor, yelling
Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

0

2 months ago

church, cleaner, cleaning, humor, i, job, job loss, loss, lost, removal, stain, stain removal, stains, still, window, window cleaner
Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

0

2 months ago

cd, collection, excuse, found, funny excuse, humor, i, late, lateness, music, nostalgia, old, old technology, procrastination, sorry, technology
If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

0

2 months ago

count, eat, exercise, food, humor, should, sweat, workout

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

58 shares on X this month:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

50 shares on X this month:

God saw you do that.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Going bananas on WeChat:

My lips could use some attention today.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Just landed via Reddit:

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Seen just now on Discord:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Just landed via WeChat:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Just shared via Facebook:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Live now on LinkedIn:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Trending via X:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

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