Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,693

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Breaking via Messenger:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Live now on YouTube:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Going bananas on Telegram:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Live now on Reddit:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Just landed via Slack:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

2 months ago

0

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a little Sherlock Holmes in the making! 🕵️‍♂️🕸️ Dust, the mysterious foe lurking in the shadows, always questioning our cleanliness standards and making us question our very existence! 😆 Looks like it's time for some investigative cleaning, dear parent detective! 🔍💨

alarm, dust, early, humor, kid, me, needs, parenting, scream, today, wake, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

0

2 months ago

bed, breakfast, current, humor, laziness, lying, manifest, morning, relaxing, situation, trying
Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, fast, fitness, health, humor, metabolism, speed, wish
I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

0

2 months ago

destroy, disappointment, expectations, humor, i, just, life, meteor, relationship, sunshine, thought, trying, world
Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

0

2 months ago

comedy, everyday, fight, fighting, humor, life, people, relationship, sex, struggle, survival
Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

0

2 months ago

best, dining, forgetfulness, forgot, glasses, hoping, humor, menu, mishap, pointing, random, spot
I keep my mind active by worrying.

0

2 months ago

activity, health, humor, i, keep, mental, mental health, mind, self-care, worry, worrying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

68 shares on Slack this month:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

23 shares on Slack this month:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

75 shares on X this month:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

26 shares on Threads this month:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

52 shares on Threads this month:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Blink if you want me!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,392

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Trending via WeChat:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Going viral on Twitch:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Spotted on Messenger:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Seen just now on Messenger:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Just shared via Twitch:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Breaking via X:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Spotted on Twitch:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Going viral on Facebook:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴