When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

When things get hot, they expand, so I'm just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Commentary:
“If this logic holds, I must be on fire right now! 🔥 Who knew staying warm was the secret to avoiding those extra pounds! 😂🤷‍♂️ #HotGirlSummer #ExpandingMyHorizons”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs the stress of parenting when you can just swoop in for the fun parts as a grandparent? 🤷‍♂️👴🧓 Here’s to hoping science can help fast-track us to grandkid heaven! 🧪👶 #GrandparentGoals”

  • At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

    Commentary:
    Well, they do say, “Doctor knows best!” 🩺💉 Looks like this doctor decided to make sure she’s in tip-top shape too. Talk about practicing what you preach! 🩸😄

  • Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

    Commentary:
    “Spread your life tales like sprinkles on a cupcake 🧁. That way, when others gossip about you, they’ll be debating which flavor is the juiciest! 🎤💬 #LifeOfMystery”

  • When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

    Commentary:
    “Seems like a case of divine Photoshop mishap! 🦒💻 Maybe God was experimenting with the ‘stretch’ tool a bit too enthusiastically 😂”

  • The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like cannons finally got the memo about ‘peace and love’ 🕊️💥. Who knew they could have a change of heart? Or maybe they just aim for targets that aren’t moving 🤷‍♂️🎯. Either way, RIP to the good ol’ days of being a cannon operator. Your job prospects have truly ‘shot’ down 🤣🔫.”

  • Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

    Commentary:
    “Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating? 🤔🧐 Well, isn’t that the most creative introduction ever! Classic mix-up or an attempt to reach peak levels of confusion? 😂💑 No worries, just don’t forget to update your contact list with proper labels! 👫📲”