Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Just shared via Discord:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Just shared via X:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Spotted on X:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Live now on Reddit:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Breaking via Reddit:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

2 months ago

0

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, it's a mystery for the ages, isn't it? 🤔 Perhaps the key to a pain-free back lies in mastering the ancient art of sitting upright in a chair! 😂💺 Or you could just embrace the slouch life and invest in a good massage chair. 😅👐"

always, back, back pain, chair, humor, hurt, i, irony, never, pain, posture, say, self-awareness, sitting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

0

2 months ago

humor, media, people, realization, silence, social, social media, suffering, tried, Twitter
“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

0

4 weeks ago

2nd, after, attitude, blues, everyone, holiday, holiday season, January, January 2nd, job, Monday, office, office job, post-holiday, post-holiday blues, procrastination, season, Thanksgiving, work, work attitude
Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

0

2 months ago

activity, cake, ever, humor, jump, party, question, surprise
I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

0

2 months ago

am, dream, dream woman, enter, forest, hear, humor, i, nature, raven, ravens, shouting, sudden, surprise, surreal, unexpected, warning, woman
I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

0

2 months ago

forget, humor, i, ignore, irony, listen, multitasking, productivity, same, sarcasm, time
Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

0

5 months ago

6th, 6th grade, bad, embarrassment, feel, forever, grade, i, memory, nighttime, regret, remember, said, thing, weird, weird thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

16 shares on Discord this month:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,335

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Going bananas on Threads:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Spotted on Discord:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Breaking via Twitch:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Trending via WeChat:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Just shared via Facebook:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Just shared via Telegram:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴