“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.