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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Seen just now on Discord:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Going viral on X:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Just landed via Twitch:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Making waves on TikTok:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Shared recently on Instagram:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

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Commentary:
"Seems like even your teeth are trying to avoid their fate! 🚫🦷 Maybe your dentist needs a lesson in personal space… 😂 #ToothEscape"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

27 shares on Discord this month:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

92 shares on Threads this month:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Musk goes “exactly,” and it’s the stupidest tweet you’ve ever read in your entire life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re still ragebaiting? Everyone is on vagueposting now. Keep up.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For the record, I use a turntable.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Breaking via Slack:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Shared recently on Slack:

Elevator music is bad on so many levels.

Broadcasted on Slack:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Trending via Facebook:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Trending via Discord:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Making waves on Twitch:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Making waves on TikTok:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

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