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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Making waves on YouTube:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Just shared via Instagram:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Making waves on Twitch:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

3 weeks ago

Playful remark about husband’s quick cleanup and mischievous insect relocation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks

bathroom, cleaning, cockroach, domestic, domestic life, everything, humor, husband, kitchen, life, prank, relationship, thought, today, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

94 shares on Reddit this month:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

Trending via Pinterest:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Trending via YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Just shared via Threads:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Spotted on Threads:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Going viral on Messenger:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

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