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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Seen just now on Threads:

Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Going viral on Snapchat:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Making waves on Discord:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Live now on Slack:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Trending via YouTube:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Going viral on Messenger:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

2 weeks ago

Playful remark about husband’s quick cleanup and mischievous insect relocation.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks

bathroom, cleaning, cockroach, domestic, domestic life, everything, humor, husband, kitchen, life, prank, relationship, thought, today, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Slack this month:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

21 shares on X this month:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

77 shares on Slack this month:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

47 shares on Slack this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Just shared via Slack:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Trending via Telegram:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Spotted on Messenger:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Just shared via X:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

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