You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

93 shares on Threads this month:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.