Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Cleaning the house to your old clubbing tunes? That's the grooviest retirement plan ever! 🎶🧹 Who needs a DJ when you can just spin that mop!"

adulthood, age, clean, cleaning, getting, getting old, house, housework, music, nostalgia, old, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

0

2 months ago

affection, deficiency, forehead, forehead kiss, humor, kiss, kisses, longing, relationship, self-diagnosed, suffering
I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

0

2 months ago

burial, business, correct, cremation, customer, customer service, customers, fired, funeral, funeral home, home, humor, i, job, job loss, loss, misunderstanding, service, smoking, term, wanted, workplace
My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

0

2 months ago

favorite, favorite type, find out, gender, gender reveal, i, just, me, party, reveal, tell, tell me, type, where
Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

0

2 months ago

better, check, cooking, corn, experiment, exploding, food, humor, just, science, something, stop
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

0

5 months ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

am, boss, communication, excited, humor, i, know, let, texting, tomorrow, work, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

22 shares on Discord this month:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

62 shares on Discord this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

83 shares on Slack this month:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

36 shares on X this month:

If you ever see me out in public, just know I don’t want to be there.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Breaking via Slack:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Breaking via Slack:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Live now on Snapchat:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨