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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Spotted on Twitch:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Just landed via Instagram:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
I guess that makes me fashionably late—time definitely lost my RSVP! ⏳😂

ago, ancient, exaggeration, humor, love, me, promise, relationship, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

1 month ago

crazy, expression, freedom, humor, remember, say, start, think, want, whatever
God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

4 months ago

desire, frustration, God, humor, i, let, life, me, once, plea, please, prayer, want, wish
A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

1 month ago

application, applying, communism, employment, guy, humor, job, job application, jobs, just, laziness, political, politics, satire, somewhere, wants
I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

1 month ago

deprecation, happy, humor, humor quote, i, irony, last, night, report, searching, self, self-deprecation, soul, soul searching, still
So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

1 month ago

absurdity, anything, cat, chores, disposal, else, garbage, humor, laundry, myself, shower, showered
The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

4 months ago

beauty, i, older, respect, said, sleeping, Sleeping Beauty, world

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Trending via Discord:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Breaking via Instagram:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

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You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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