Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,470

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Just shared via Slack:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Seen just now on Slack:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
I guess that makes me fashionably late—time definitely lost my RSVP! ⏳😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Discord this month:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

People should come with warning labels.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Going bananas on Slack:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Going viral on X:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Spotted on Discord:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Going bananas on Slack:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Trending via WeChat:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

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