Commentary:
When my body requires renovations, it involves more yoga and less duct tape 😂🏛️🛠️
20 Funny ancient quotes
A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.
Commentary:
Looks like he's mastering the lost art of waiting! Next, he'll be sending messages by pigeon 🕊️📜😂
You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.
Commentary:
I guess that makes me fashionably late—time definitely lost my RSVP! ⏳😂
Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.
Commentary:
So that's why you always know when the coffee is brewing 😄👽🛸
Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.
Commentary:
Sounds like Coke is my inner caveman's choice, but Sprite makes me feel like I'm solar-powered! 🌞🦖🔋
Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…
Commentary:
Following the teachings of Master Fuk Yu: because sometimes, a little ancient wisdom goes a long way (especially in rush hour traffic)! 😂🚗💬
I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.
Commentary:
"Honestly, I'm ready for politicians to say, 'The oracle has spoken!' instead of 'The polls have spoken.' 🧙♂️🔮🤣"
Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.
Commentary:
"Wow, I didn’t realize it was a bring-your-own-mummies kind of party! 🎉🧟♂️🤣"
What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?
Commentary:
"Plot twist: Medusa's just an overzealous art curator! 🗿🔍🙈"
It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.
Commentary:
"Next stop: Ancient Greece, where Jason was the chillest guy at the toga party. 🎉🤔🌴 #AncientFloridianVibes"