My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Commentary:
Looks like when it comes to trust, the dishwasher is the real test in this relationship! 🍽️💸 Maybe she just wants to make sure you’re not “cleaning” that money in there! 😄 #MarriageMysteries

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs roses when you can have nuggets? Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like a crispy, golden token of affection. Forget the flowers, let those nuggets do the talking – and trust me, they speak the language of deliciousness!”

  • Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the art of lorebombing, where exchanging life updates with a new friend in your thirties feels like sharing episodes from a TV series you both somehow missed! 📚🤝 It’s like trying to binge-watch several seasons at once just to keep up with each other’s ‘plot twists’! #ThirtiesTales”

  • No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

    Commentary:
    🌙 “No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.” 😂 Seems like you’ve mastered the element of surprise as a parent! Your kids probably think you’ve unlocked a secret bedtime-extended cheat code! 🛌 #ParentingSurprises #BedtimeShenanigans

  • If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the fragrance of Audacity, a delightful blend of entitlement and disregard for authority, with top notes of eye-rolling and a hint of Snapchat filter sass 👃💁‍♂️. Perfect for capturing that essence of modern youth – wear it with a touch of mischief and a sprinkle of memes! 😜 #KidsTheseDays #AudacityPerfume

  • Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic case of ‘Wait, what was I saying again?’ 🤔 Seems like our attention spans are taking a vacation without us! 😂 Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this ‘thinking up a storm’ mode! 🌪️”

  • What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like the mosquitoes were practicing some ankle-biting moves straight out of a martial arts movie! 🦟💥 Better put on some extra insect repellent next time to avoid becoming their next kung fu target! 😂”