Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My brain is on airplane mode today.
  • I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.
  • Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.
  • Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.
  • Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.
  • Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.