Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.
  • I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!
  • I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
  • Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.
  • With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.
  • I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.