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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Trending via Pinterest:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Trending via Discord:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Breaking via YouTube:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Just landed via Discord:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Live now on TikTok:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Making waves on Threads:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about adulthood feeling like endless tiredness, with a humorous, relatable vibe.

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Commentary:
When I signed up for adulthood, I didn't realize the subscription included unlimited fatigue! 😴☕️😂

adulthood, after, being, day, exhaustion, fatigue, forever, humor, just, life, tired, waking, waking up

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39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dream car is a taco truck.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

76 shares on Discord this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

38 shares on X this month:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Spotted on Instagram:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Breaking via Pinterest:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Going viral on WeChat:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Trending via TikTok:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Trending via Pinterest:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Live now on Telegram:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Going viral on Slack:

Happy new fear!

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

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Activity Log ✨

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨