Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.
  • Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.
  • I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.
  • Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.
  • I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.
  • Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?