Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Nosferatu implies the existence of a Yesferatu.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Trending via Slack:

God saw you do that.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Spotted on Facebook:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Live now on YouTube:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Spotted on YouTube:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess we should start rooting for those Cloudflare blips — our surprise digital superheroes! 😂🔌🌩️

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

0

2 months ago

activity, cobblestone, date, devil, dimly-lit, fun, fun activity, only, street, thing, walk, want, women
Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

0

1 month ago

breath, humor, kiss, love, me, passion, romance, same, save, soul, trying
When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

0

2 months ago

accident, always, attitude, back, blame, clumsiness, comedy, denial, fault, funny perspective, humor, humorous, humorous attitude, i, perspective, self, self blame, trip, tripping
Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

0

5 months ago

adult, adult humor, boner, erection, getting, humor, instruction, instructions, Lego, me, telling, toy
It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

0

2 months ago

brain, brains, cognition, forgetfulness, funny observation, humor, irony, memory, observation, remember, something
Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, clearance, gift, humor, i, late, present, procrastination, scraping, sorry, tag

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

35 shares on Discord this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

52 shares on Discord this month:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Just shared via Instagram:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Just landed via Discord:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Just shared via Instagram:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Trending via Twitch:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Just shared via Facebook:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨