Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!
  • They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.
  • I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.
  • I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
  • If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?
  • Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?