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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,760

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Going viral on Facebook:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Breaking via Messenger:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Trending via Twitch:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

2 months ago

0

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect way to keep that social distance intact! 😂🧹🚗 Keep those neighbors at bay with the power of cleanliness – next up, lawn mowing the living room! 🌿🛋️ Just remember, a well-vacuumed driveway is the key to a peaceful, neighborly existence. You might just start a new trend in unconventional cleaning techniques! 💡

activity, avoidance, behavior, chore, cleaner, driveway, funny activity, humor, i, just, me, neighbors, outdoor, outdoor chore, outside, quirky, quirky behavior, run, social, social avoidance, talk, vacuum, vacuum cleaner

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

0

2 months ago

bribe, cake, effective, fear, humor, manipulate, manipulation, me, much, persuasion, please
The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

0

2 months ago

envy, humor, i, irony, people, problem, rich, rich people, self-reflection, wealth
Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

0

3 months ago

cheese, comfort, comfort food, food, grilled, grilled cheese, healing, healing power, humor, never, power, sandwich, underestimate
Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

0

2 months ago

alarm, bed, drug, police, sleep
I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

0

2 months ago

done, humor, i, inform, love, math, regret, relationship, soulmate
I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

0

2 months ago

breath, detox, digital, digital detox, every, health, i, just, media, mental, mental health, mind, notification, notification overload, overload, peace, peace of mind, privacy, social, social media, someone, time, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

88 shares on Discord this month:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

14 shares on Discord this month:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,744

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Just landed via WeChat:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Trending via X:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Trending via WeChat:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Breaking via Threads:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Home is where the Wi-Fi connects automatically and no one chews loud.

Trending via Threads:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Breaking via Slack:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

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