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Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Just shared via X:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Making waves on Threads:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Making waves on Messenger:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Going viral on YouTube:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about social media humor, expressing playful desire to tag enemies instead of friends.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs enemies when you can just tag them yourself? 🎯💥 Let's make unfriending even more satisfying! 😂 #TaggingEnemies"

enemy, forget, friends, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, tag, want

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89 shares on TikTok this month:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

62 shares on X this month:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

46 shares on Slack this month:

I only drink when I people.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I think humans are meant to lay in bed with the love of their life all winter.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

68 shares on Slack this month:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

Making waves on Discord:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Just shared via TikTok:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

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Activity Log ✨

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨