I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count. Posted on58 minutes ago
Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more. Posted on12 hours ago
Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross! Posted on13 hours ago
I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times. Posted on14 hours ago
When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body. Posted on14 hours ago
I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now. Posted on17 hours ago
Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later. Posted on17 hours ago
Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light. Posted on23 hours ago
You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first. Posted on23 hours ago
I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Posted on1 day ago
The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee. Posted on2 days ago
I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see. Posted on2 days ago
You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body. Posted on2 days ago
Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to. Posted on3 days ago
My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.” Posted on3 days ago
Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something. Posted on3 days ago
The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day. Posted on3 days ago
I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning. Posted on3 days ago
I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Posted on3 days ago
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine? Posted on4 days ago