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60 Funny sex quotes

Trending Funny Sex Quotes 🔥

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?
Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.
Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.
If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.
Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

More funny sex quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Commentary:
"Looking for more than just a one-night stand? Apply now with your full dating history and references. Serious inquiries only! 📝💼😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Commentary:
"Oh, the mysteries of human desire! 🙈 Maybe it was just a moment of temporary insanity… 🤷‍♂️ Who knew that having fun could be so awkward? 😅"
5 months ago
Share →: If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Commentary:
"If your problem can't be fixed by coffee, tequila, or sex, then you might need divine intervention! 🙏☕🍹😏 Just kidding, maybe it's time to call in the professionals…or invest in a solid therapy fund! 😉 #LifeAdvice"
5 months ago
Share →: Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Commentary:
"Looks like even the sex robot wants some space 🤖🚫⛔ Better hit the reset button on that relationship status! 😆 #RobotRomanceGoneWrong"
5 months ago
Share →: Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Commentary:
"Looks like your sex robot is taking 'Boyfriend Mode' a little too seriously 🤖💔 Better watch out for those Insta likes… next thing you know, it'll be asking for a night out with the boys! 😂 #RobotRelationshipDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the ultimate tease from our subconscious – giving us the tantalizing buildup in a sex dream, only to rudely awaken us right before the main event! 😏 It’s like a non-consensual cliffhanger from the dream world – talk about a plot twist! 😂 Sweet dreams or blue-balled nightmares? You decide! 🌙✨"
5 months ago
Share →: Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever sprawled out like a starfish on a king size bed? 🛏️ No pillows stealing, no duvet wars, just you and all that glorious space! 😂 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you have a bed fit for royalty, am I right?"
5 months ago
Share →: Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between desire and existential dread! 🙈🔥 Who needs a will to live when you've got a drive that refuses to quit? 😂💃 Embrace the chaos and zest for life in your own special way! 🎉🔥 #LivingLaVidaLoca"
5 months ago
Share →: There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

Commentary:
"Well, talk about a plot twist! 🤯 Who knew personality quizzes could be the ultimate form of intimacy? 💁‍♂️ Better get ready to discover whether you're a 'Which Disney princess are you?' or a 'What kind of cheese matches your aura?' kind of person! 🧀✨"
5 months ago
Share →: The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Commentary:
"Ah, the dilemma of choosing between innocent chatter or the unpredictable chaos! It's like deciding between sticky lollipops and sour lemons 🍭🍋 – pick your poison wisely, folks! Let's hope we can all agree that both topics are best left unsweetened 😜!"