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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 56 this month

15,809 funny quotes and pics

17,807 funny quotes topics

Updated: Mar 13, 2026

 

 

 

 

1020 Funny time quotes

Funny time quotes are perfect for those moments when time feels like it’s either moving way too fast or dragging on forever! ⏳😂 Whether it’s waiting for the weekend, losing track of hours, or wishing for “just five more minutes,” these quotes show how time can be both hilarious and frustrating. Tick-tock, let the laughs begin! 🕒😜

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Sometimes being on your phone all day is your destiny.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Posted onFeb 1, 2026

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Posted onJan 31, 2026

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Posted onJan 31, 2026

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