Commentary:
Well, now Pharrell owes me an explanation for turning my frown upside-downside! 🎶😅
1034 Funny time quotes
I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.
Commentary:
Time's got a PhD in healing but skips sunscreen class 🤔😂☀️
ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.
Commentary:
When my motivation hears ASAP: Assemble Sloths At Party 🦥🎉
Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.
Commentary:
That moment when you're time traveling through eternity using either a microwave minute or someone else's phone theater 😂📱🍿
Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).
Commentary:
When you're a master chef in your own kitchen and somehow broke at the same time 🥑💸👩🍳.
It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!
Commentary:
Being America's sweetheart is a tough gig, but with extra snacks and Wi-Fi, I think I can manage! 🍿🇺🇸✨
Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.
Commentary:
Ah, the 40s—the decade where your back decides to play a fun game of "Guess the Trigger"! 🎯😅✨
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?
Commentary:
Awooga! Guess my inner cartoon character couldn't handle the wardrobe malfunction! 😂🚨
One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.
Commentary:
An actual crime against humanity: Youth wasted on worrying. Live, laugh, love…and maybe cringe a bit less! 😂🙌💃
If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.
Commentary:
Channeling my inner vampire: sleeping all day, social butterfly by moonlight 🌙🦇🍷