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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Going viral on Slack:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Going viral on WeChat:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Shared recently on Facebook:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Just landed via Threads:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Just landed via WeChat:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

1 month ago

Funny text about pizza addiction, showing playful guilt and humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Pizza slices mysteriously disappear one by one! 🍕😂 Looks like an intense pizza consumption challenge is in progress! Will they reach Slice Number 5 and rewrite the record books? Stay tuned for more cheesy updates! 🧀📺"

bad, bad news, eating, food, good, good news, humor, i, news, pizza, repetition, slice, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on X this month:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pyjamas straight off a hot radiator is a winner. Damn, I’m old.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

65 shares on X this month:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

97 shares on X this month:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,466

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Spotted on WeChat:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Spotted on Reddit:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Just shared via Telegram:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Going viral on Discord:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

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