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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Just landed via TikTok:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Trending via Snapchat:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Spotted on Messenger:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

2 months ago

0

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Pizza slices mysteriously disappear one by one! 🍕😂 Looks like an intense pizza consumption challenge is in progress! Will they reach Slice Number 5 and rewrite the record books? Stay tuned for more cheesy updates! 🧀📺"

bad, bad news, eating, food, good, good news, humor, i, news, pizza, repetition, slice, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

0

4 months ago

change, conversation, entertainment, humor, i, joke, movie, new
Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

0

4 months ago

animal, breeze, enjoying, here, humor, i, just, nature, nighttime, outdoors, owl, solitude, tree, trees
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

0

2 months ago

humor, i, just, know, learning, mistake, repetition, same, sure, times
I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

0

2 months ago

boss, cannonball, conclusions, confidence, diving, exaggeration, humor, i, jump
Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

0

2 months ago

cow, fight, fighting, ghost, ghosts, humor, joke, just, nature, over, tornado
If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

0

2 months ago

bed, guys, gym, humor, intimacy, moan, only, relationship, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

81 shares on Slack this month:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Breaking via Telegram:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Seen just now on X:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Trending via Twitch:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Making waves on X:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Shared recently on Threads:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

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