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Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

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Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

Just shared via Threads:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Just shared via Slack:

Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

2 days ago

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Commentary:
Charging for scientific articles feels like finding a plot twist at the end of a math book 📚🙄💸

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

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Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

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Trending via Messenger:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Shared recently on Facebook:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Shared recently on WeChat:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Going viral on Twitch:

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

Going viral on TikTok:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Making waves on WeChat:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Spotted on X:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Just shared via WeChat:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

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Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

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Shopping is the only exercise I need.

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

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I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Problematic bed time gap relationship.

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

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Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

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