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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

210 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,479

Funny Quotes Topics

17,544

Funny Quotes Images

15,479

Jan 4, 2026

3,327

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Live now on Facebook:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Going bananas on Telegram:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

Shared recently on Slack:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Live now on Threads:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Spotted on Reddit:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

2 months ago

0

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Health nuts – the irony is strong with this one! 🥦🤦‍♂️ Who knew that all those kale smoothies would lead to a showdown with a stale hospital menu? 🏥😂 Remember folks, everything in moderation, even moderation itself! 🍔😜"

dying, fitness, health, health nut, hospital, humor, irony, lifestyle, lying, mortality, nothing, nut, sarcasm, someday, stupid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

0

2 months ago

challenge, clean, cleaning, expiration, food, fridge, fun, game, here, humor, i, kill, mystery, play
Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

0

5 months ago

amount, annoy, before, conflict, family, having, humor, important, kill, learn, love-hate, physically, relationship, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, siblings, someone, try
Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

0

2 months ago

alien, alien invasion, apocalypse, before, climate, crisis, die, disaster, end, end of world, extraterrestrial, global, global climate crisis, humor, invasion, irony, little, nuclear, nuclear war, sci-fi, survival, treat, war, world
I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

0

2 months ago

expectation, feel, humor, i, just, new, new year, right, time, year
Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

0

2 months ago

beverage, Christmas, Christmas spirit, coke, drink, fun, holiday, humor, i, mix, neat, oh, question, spirit
Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

0

2 months ago

chores, education, give, humor, kids, life, life skills, parenting, procrastination, responsibility, sense, skills, teaching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

87 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

30 shares on Discord this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I have more trips planned than I have money.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

210 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,479

Funny Quotes Topics

17,544

Funny Quotes Images

15,479

Updated

Jan 4, 2026

Users Online

3,294

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Just shared via TikTok:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Making waves on Instagram:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Just shared via WeChat:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Trending via LinkedIn:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

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