Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,562

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Trending via Reddit:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Just shared via Slack:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Going bananas on X:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Making waves on Reddit:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Making waves on Snapchat:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Going bananas on Threads:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

0
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Health nuts – the irony is strong with this one! 🥦🤦‍♂️ Who knew that all those kale smoothies would lead to a showdown with a stale hospital menu? 🏥😂 Remember folks, everything in moderation, even moderation itself! 🍔😜"

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Facebook this month:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

71 shares on YouTube this month:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

94 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Making waves on Messenger:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Just landed via Discord:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Spotted on Discord:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via YouTube:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴