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Commentary:
"Who needs beauty sleep when you can have a mortician glam squad🧟‍♀️💄? Talk about waking up looking drop dead gorgeous💀💅! Keeping it killer even in your dreams!😜"

death, hiring, humor, i, irony, joke, makeup, mortician, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

2 months ago

AirPods, dependency, die, frustration, hate, humor, i, irony, life, me, technology
80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

2 months ago

bring, daily, daily struggle, decision, humor, i, jacket, just, life, should, struggle, thought, uncertainty, weather
If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

2 months ago

honesty, humor, lie, me, relationship, retaliation, sarcasm, tell, truth
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

3 months ago

fun, games, mouth, opera, shampoo, shower, singing, soap
Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

2 months ago

anticipation, business, business day, day, delivery, humor, live, me, online, online shopping, procrastination, reason, reason to live, retail, retail therapy, shopping, therapy
I’d rather lose you than the argument.

2 months ago

argument, communication, conflict, humor, ID, lose, love, prioritization, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Just landed via Telegram:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Live now on WeChat:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Live now on Messenger:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨