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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,887

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Going viral on Telegram:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Shared recently on Facebook:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Spotted on X:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Just landed via Messenger:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

2 months ago

0

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the grown-up pastime of scrutinizing a cartoon about a group of heroic pups with more plot twists than a soap opera 🐾📺 Who needs reality TV when you have the mystery of how Mayor Goodway always loses her pet chicken on Paw Patrol? 🐔🤔 #AdultingGoals"

adult, am, cartoons, childhood, discussion, full, hole, humor, i, listen, me, patrol, paw, PAW Patrol, plot, plot hole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

0

2 months ago

craving, diet, food, food craving, grocery, grocery store, home, humor, i, irony, junk, junk food, mad, store, temptation, yesterday
I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

0

2 months ago

cake, complaint, expense, expensive, fat, humor, i, life, lived, longer, people, pet, pets, weight, wish
The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

0

2 weeks ago

condition, connection, exhaustion, fatigue, humor, independence, large, life, modern, modern life, network, observation, own, people, self-reliance, social, social connection, support, support network, things, time, tired, trying, why, wondering
Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

0

2 weeks ago

addicted, addiction, day, eating, food, food habit, habit, humor, meal, reptile
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

0

5 months ago

cooking, hatred, here, humor, imagination, imagine, indifference, just, looking, me, over, recipe, soup, soup recipe
I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

0

2 months ago

autocorrect, frustration, hate, humor, i, language, phone, spell, spelling, texting, trying, typo, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Instagram this month:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t have dating allegations with your best friend, you are not bestfriending hard enough.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,750

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Spotted on Discord:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Spotted on YouTube:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Broadcasted on Discord:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Live now on TikTok:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Spotted on WeChat:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Trending via Snapchat:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

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